Photo: NYTimes.com
my head just exploded. this picture was on the front page of the Jan. 29, 2007 NYTimes Business Section. it just might be the most perfect ijc picture ever.
the identical outfits, the jeans, the black sweaters, the straight hair, the noses, the girls' names (Aviva Halperin, Elana Hoffman, Molly Ainsman), the university (UPenn, natch), the sorority. it is perfect. PERFECT!
my life's work is complete. this picture represents the culmination of everything i have ever written on this site. there is nothing left to say.
visit the archives if you wish to read more. i am done.
I LOVE YOU
Posted by: | February 23, 2007 at 05:47 PM
You, sir, are a genius. I can only imagine the effort put in by these ijc's to contact the NY Times in the first place, in order to get themselves into the newspaper. I seriously doubt they got into the newspaper based upon any real accomplishments or merit, much less being truly newsworthy.
Posted by: AnotherIJCVictim | February 23, 2007 at 06:14 PM
Thank you sir for making Heather and I cry in our kitchen this morning. Heather has a crazy theory that you went and got all cliche on us and set up an anon blog on wordpress or something- anyways, don't be a stranger- there's plenty of happy hours for us to wreck in this city. And we will wreck them.
Posted by: Alice | February 24, 2007 at 11:43 AM
this is the first time i've visited your blog... it's linked to another one i read all the time and as a former sorority girl, i love for putting that picture up. it brought back all kinds of great memories, particularly from rush... the obligatory black "sorority" pants (you know the ones... gap, circa 1998), brightly colored fitted tees (but be sure to count them so there's equal numbers of every color t-shirt). it's hysterical and just made getting through the last two hours of my work day much easier. thank you. i am bookmarking your site in hopes that you frequently post pictures of people for the sole purpose of making fun of them.
Posted by: emily | March 01, 2007 at 04:35 PM
What a long, strange trip it's been
Posted by: Dexter | March 03, 2007 at 08:36 PM
I am both elated to see that you posted something and also sad that you will no longer be posting anything...I have been checking to see if u posted anything for months and though i am a little angry that you will not longer be posting, but you have done your job my friend.....that picture is disgusting in so many ways because the girls are both ugly and extreme IJC's to the fullest....Thank you for the hilarious posts and i will check from time to time to see if you do post something new.
Posted by: Colin | March 05, 2007 at 04:18 PM
I am trying to be as charitable as possible to everyone involved, but the question remains, why would any SJM waste time getting upset about anything these women are or do? (Admittedly I am not at that point of emotional detachment yet, because "rejection" still hurts, although I have to admit that in the context of the continual bombardment of male attention they receive, the young ladies make snap decisions and expect men to jump through their hoops.) Is it because we enjoy a challenge? Some perverse, masochistic dedication to the ideal of Jewish continuity? Or the hope of finding the elusive "Nice Jewish Girl"?
The insensate rage I can understand, because it comes from constant rejection by a bunch of snooty Daddy's Girls who are, in the end, assez quelconques, but (as in _Portnoy's Complaint_) all
of that is merely a point of departure for the real question, namely, how is it possible--is it possible?--to have a relationship with a modern SJF? (And please don't tell me it's easy if she's ugly, or fat, and desperate for a guy or if you're handsome/wealthy/connected, because I know that already.)
They are, after all, only doing the best they can with what life has taught them so far, and if they irritate people, animals, vegetables and minerals along the way, perhaps that is not their sole intent...
Posted by: Eurosabra | March 06, 2007 at 09:56 AM
I'm glad you're going to stop doing this, because instead of focusing on all the nice women out there, you...oh wait a second, you don't WANT a nice girl...you only date hott girls (as apparent in your archives) and that's why you are continually burned by finding that - wow - a girl who spends three hours on her hair and gets breast implants and wears 3" heels might, just might, be as superficial as you!!! Surprise!
Princesses exist in all groups. What really bothers me is guys like you who deliberately seek them out, ignoring all the nice girls out there, and THEN spout anger against the stupid girls you found, the type who you are so focused on in the first place. It's so important for you to find a double-D to impress the buddies. It's your own immaturity that keeps you angry.
I'm glad this is your life's work - focusing on girls you DON'T like and AREN'T attracted to. I am dating a nice guy (jewish) who has a sense of humor but is not mean to women. I consider myself very very lucky, and respect him every day. Neither of us are rich or beautiful, and luckily my anger toward the jerks of the world (like you) has dissipated because luckily I realize that if you keep it up, you get what you deserve - bitterness, shallow women, and confusion about why you are alone at 40. Just keep blaming the Uptown Girls, at the same time you are looking for those exact same girls. Don't bother looking beyond breasts and that swanky address and trying methods of finding a sweet girl (that means, not just hunting at bars).
Lest you think this will turn into a debate, no - I'm through arguing about this too. Someone will likely write back and say girls don't like nice guys...well, of course, obnoxious girls don't. But nice, SANE girls do like nice guys. (Not just guys who hold a door open, but guys who treat other people nicely). So stop seeking out obnoxious girls who live in rich areas.
You can write back and insult me, but really, I don't have to EVER date you (and since I don't have to date anymore, I don't even have to end up on a bad date with you by accident! Whew.)
I know, I know, this site is supposed to be funny. If you're here and you understand the humor in it, good. I agree there are lots of princesses in the world. But I'm writing this for all the guys, What especially guys who write these types of sites, who always admit that they have very very specific standards for girls - they must be tall, very big boobies, impress their male friends (because yeah, it's really important to fall in love with someone whose figure will impress the buddies), and into cars and clothes.
For those who take this site seriously because you are a lonely guy who can't seem to find a nice girl who likes you for the sensitive soul you are - we "nice girls" have the same problem, and it may take a while to find you, but don't give up just because of the bastards! We have to deal with them too. You guys are lucky.
Dating is hard no matter who you are, so don't become a jerk. Work on making yourself MORE dateable, not less dateable. Get some hobbies, sense of humor, etc...it may take time, but it takes time for us "nice" girls, too. Bad dates happen. Anyone who decides to constantly degrade women, particularly of a certain religion, only has himself to blame.
Posted by: Satisfied nice girl | March 12, 2007 at 04:41 PM
I just came across your blog a week ago and have been reading all the archives and I must say i think it's absolutely hilarious. I guess I just have a few questions... If you dislike these girls so much why do you continue dating them? I'm Catholic so maybe this is a dumb question but do you feel obligated (by your faith, family, etc.) to ultimately end up with a Jewish girl? And if that's the case aren't there Jewish girls out there who don't fit in this category?
Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed your blog it's been really entertaining for me this past week but maybe you need to get the hell out of Murray Hill...personally I'd prefer to run into some rush hour traffic than to be constantly surrounded by that bullshit all day.
Posted by: Melissa | March 12, 2007 at 08:10 PM
Melissa, everyone has asked that question and there is no good answer except that guys like this are hypocrites. But the site allows him to let off steam, so be it.
"If you dislike these girls so much why do you continue dating them?"
If you go back enough, you will see that he only dates women who live in his rich neighborhood who are tall and have big breasts. Pretty narrow qualifications to begin with. Being nice is not in his top 5 qualifications.
"And if that's the case aren't there Jewish girls out there who don't fit in this category?"
Of course there are. But a lot of guys don't seek out "nice" girls. Or at least, this guy doesn't.
Some of them get burned once when they are 15, decide all girls are evil, and turn to a life of hatred. And become even less dateable.
Posted by: Get real | March 14, 2007 at 03:43 PM
Will you marry me?
Posted by: Waitress | April 03, 2007 at 12:00 PM
Actually, it's years of rejection from really ugly women who think they can do better than their male peers that prompts the bitterness of average Jewish men. The IJC is an odd duck because he is an economic high-achiever who SHOULD have his pick of women but is flummoxed by the same dynamic. Most of the women in his photo gallery are in the 5-6 range, yet treat men horribly. To get mass emails on JDate means that the IJC is both wealthy AND good-looking, but his gripe is that the HOT women out there he has sorted from the masses of kosher flesh do not measure up. It's a quality problem. For the hoi polloi, these fat, rude, self-centered frizzy-haired fata$$ bitchez, ARE our "dating pool." And I love them dearly, and there are enough decent average-looking women of good character out there.
But they are not hot. And men are as attracted to beauty as women are to money, power, and strength, but only men's desires are derided and denied.
Posted by: Eurosabr03 | April 05, 2007 at 03:35 PM
Actually, Eurosabr, I'm sorry to tell you this, but the evidence on this site directly contradicts what you are saying.
Nowhere is there evidence that the author or ANY "averge Jewish man" would even look at a so-called ugly girl, much less date an average one, no matter how great she is.
This site is about a guy who refuses to look outside of wealthy parts of Manhattan to date, who can't see past breasts, anorexic looks and height. Maybe you are different, maybe not.
But even an ugly girl has the right to reject a total jerk - and that's probably why so-called "ugly" girls have rejected you. For the love of God, stop being an asshole and you might get chicks. They can tell when a guy is a jerk.
Posted by: Jersey Girl | April 11, 2007 at 01:56 PM
Actually, I STARTED getting chicks when I became a seductive a-hole. By being dominant and needy, instead of whining and needy, I was able to attract women for nicely dysfunctional relationships. Not my current goal, but it was nicer than a dry spell. True, the women weren't much to look at. You don't get great karmic points with the universe by exploiting someone else's weaknesses to get your rocks off, either. But I was 22 and stupid and I'd do anything for pu$$y. At this point I'm actually unbelievably flexible on the looks issue because good attitudes are so rare, and I've mellowed a bit, so the amount of venom attached to my dating life is minimal, though the women still aren't anything to look at--some of them have good souls. And I'm a much better man without the venom.
I've dealt with male subcultures where the "looks fetishism" is even more extreme than chez the IJC. The "ratings system" used by male fashion writers (those who aren't gay, anyway) is insane, and the women they date are--in general--insanely beautiful. If anything, the IJC is simply doing what IJCs do--he's complaining that the girls simply don't measure up, the way the girls complain that guys don't measure up. Only he's mocking them for having no redeeming features the same way IJCs mock average Jewish men for a lack of cash, looks, and connections. It grates so badly because these girls insist on being valued for their personalities--as they have no looks to offer--and those personalities are so harsh, uncouth, entitlement-riddled and grating.
Posted by: Eurosabr03 | April 13, 2007 at 04:00 PM
"Actually, I STARTED getting chicks when I became a seductive a-hole."
Yeah, and as you admit, they're messed-up chicks. So if that's what you want, go get 'em.
Posted by: Exactly | April 13, 2007 at 04:25 PM
"At this point I'm actually unbelievably flexible on the looks issue because good attitudes are so rare, and I've mellowed a bit, so the amount of venom attached to my dating life is minimal, though the women still aren't anything to look at--some of them have good souls. And I'm a much better man without the venom."
OK, this part I can get behind. Go you!!!!!!!!!!! There are all sorts of people out there. The good ones have to find each other...and become better men and women so that they do.
Posted by: Exactly | April 13, 2007 at 04:28 PM
yes, this site is funny because it picks on a certain stereotype of girl, and there are girls who exist like this.
what is not funny, and is very sad, is that there are guys who only DATE girls like this, and refuse to date nice, sweet girls unless they weigh 95 pounds and look like models. And they think that's what they "deserve." Guys, sometimes you have to look beyond perfection and give girls the same chances you'd like them to give you. Step off the isle of Manhattan once in a while. Take a chance. Stop being an asshole.
Posted by: Froo froo | April 16, 2007 at 04:17 PM
Yes, the real problem is with the guys here, not the girls.
We all know that guys constantly complain that all the girls they meet are "fat." Guys, stop being so darn superficial and start looking beyond that.
You guys all think you deserve a skinny beautiful girl who is also not superficial. Um, then what does that make you, asshole?
Posted by: Guys are the problem | May 06, 2007 at 12:19 AM
That would make us "selective." Which I'm not, at least not on looks alone as a make-or-break issue. But my bank account's not big enough to date the few stereotypically-model-pretty Jewish girls in my part of LA anyway. So it balances out.
Posted by: Eurosabr03 | May 08, 2007 at 07:57 PM
No, that would make you hypocrites.
There are girls like the ones ijc writes about. So stop dating them. There are also sweet girls if you're willing to look.
Posted by: Guys are the problem | July 29, 2007 at 10:38 AM
I'm actually somewhat perplexed, because I DON'T really have looks as a major criterion, though I'm pretty much in the 7 range myself. However, because I belong to a nerdy, non-doctor/lawyer occupation, and I'm not extremely masculine or dominant, I can't find ANY Jewish women to date. (Whereas non-Jewish women are sometimes willing to go out of their way to meet me.) I've also been completely demoralized by JDate, but still pop in from time to time, as one would observe an especially horrific train wreck.
Posted by: Eurosabr03 | August 03, 2007 at 03:35 AM
you're not particularly masculine? what exactly does that mean? your arms swish when you walk down the block?
i feel for you, but i bet there are jewish women who would like you...just not japs. keep your chin up. i'm an average looking jewish girl and i finally found a great guy (jewish but not a doc, lawyer etc)
Posted by: Guys are the problem | August 04, 2007 at 06:32 PM
Well, I'm not particularly large, my body language is not very dominant, I tend to initiate touching only in response to a non-verbal invitation, I tend to let women have their space, rather than automatically presume I should sit touching them, and when seating a woman I tend not to steer her into her spot and then indicate how much space she should take up by blocking egress with my body. All of this is, in this culture, even among Jews, who are supposedly a people of brains rather than brawn, submissive and non-masculine, and a total turn-off.
Women are basically looking to be abused for the sake of how good it will feel to be protected by that power when it is directed outward instead of at them.
Posted by: Eurosabr03 | August 22, 2007 at 02:25 AM
you are suggesting that you have 'brains' rather than brawn. maybe the problem is that you don't display brains either?
Posted by: Guys are the problem | September 10, 2007 at 08:30 PM
by the way, i totally didn't mean that as an insult, so sorry. it's just that up there, i didn't hear you refer to yourself as particularly smart, interesting, creative, etc. so sometimes guys who complain that girls aren't attracted to them because they're 'too nice' are also 'too lacking in any sort of personality' hence the lack of attraction. you may WELL be smart funny or creative, just suggesting that if you have an interesting personality, you will find a girl.
Posted by: Guys are the problem | September 10, 2007 at 08:33 PM