something to look forward to

great stuff from a reader, a self-proclaimed "battered veteran" of the dating wars, who emails with this update :

As a battered veteran of jdate, age 49, I can attest that nothing changes as these ijc's grow older. Many of them relocate to the People's Republic of the Upper West Side, and their ages revert and freeze at 38. Of course, they are "never married" because they "won't settle". A few were involved in marriages that lasted about 5 minutes. Many own those tiny little cute dogs that they kiss on the lips whenever someone is watching. Despite their true age (anywhere from 40-58) they still proclaim they want marriage and children, but they won't settle. They all enjoy "all that the City has to offer", as long as it's within 3 blocks, or if someone else is paying. 

yikes!

i'm not sure what is more disturbing: the fact that the upper west side is apparently some sort of bizzaro murray hill nursing home for aging ijc's, or that having  checked out some of these women on jdate, i find myself slightly aroused.

Comments

[O. Please]

I don't know which is more disturbing - the fact that this divorced guy has already posted the same thing in the comments section 4x and you gave him even more space, or the fact that you guys act like you have no choice over whom to date.

Guess what, fellas. There are like a million single women in the city, but you choose the ones who only live in certain areas, eat at fancy restaurants, and like the fact that you work at boring finance jobs - and then you blame these women who you for some reason keep asking out!!!

If a woman seems interested in your money, only wants to eat at a fancy restaurant, and won't leave her neighborhood for a date, then tell her you're not into superficiality and find a maybe less good looking woman who is funny and smart and kind, and date HER.

Or is it that you refuse to date anyone who doesn't meet your own very stringent requirements? This divorced guy keeps saying that women won't settle, but apparently he wants to act like a total bitter jerk and then have any woman he wants fall for him - I'm sure women will settle; but they won't settle for HIM.

And why don't I ever see any men settling?

[O. Please]

P.S.

The nice thing about services like jdate is that you can trade a few e-mails with someone before you agree to meet them.

Then you can figure out if you might actually like this person, before you spend time on a date.

I've had guys e-mail me and ask me out 'for a drink' without even having a conversation with me. Want to avoid IJCs? Or other girls who you might not like? Learn to write an e-mail.

You guys who complain that you keep meeting IJCs might consider doing that. Or is that way too logical?

[Warm Wendy]

You know, a 38-year-old woman might just be someone who is happy and finally getting herself into gear after going through all sorts of learning experiences, highs and lows - just like everyone else.

I wouldn't expect you guys to 'settle' or anything, but if you use arbitrary ideas like 'oh, a woman over 38 who's single is selfish and gross and old,' you might miss out on really falling in love. That's a concept that men (as well as women) in this city can use. Look at individuals and stop with the "Oh, I won't date this or that type."

[Meredith]

Wow, you really got "O Please's" panties in a bunch huh? Like Whoa. Am I the only reader who finds your posts purely amusing? Honeslty some comments on this site are so much more fun than the post themselves.

I don't think I would ever leave a comment with a full diatribe as to why you suck unless...well unless deep down I knew you were right and I didn't want to admit it. Hmmmm, could I be onto something here?

[O. Please]

Whoa, "Meredith," talk about getting your little panties in a bunch. Calm down a bit there. I notice you didn't say that anything I said wasn't true. ;)

I don't actually seem that upset in any of my entries, but take a look at what it's in response to. A website about all the women who aren't good enough for its author, and a divorced guy - both of whom keep prowling Jdate anyway. Their panties must be completely knotted by now. And stained.

I'm still wondering if they can answer my questions. I'm curious if either of these guys can answer why they purposely keep dating exactly the women they don't like. There are a million single women in New York. And yet these two guys are single. They're the ones who have the advantage - except that they're kind of jerky, and girls don't date jerks. If they could adjust their attitudes they might get somewhere.

The fact that people have largely stopped commenting here shows that most of the girls who've read this just chalk it up to more arrogant prix they're glad they don't have to deal with.

What I'm more responding to is the fact that there are lots of men in the city like these two characters, whose biggest problem in the world is thus: "Why can't I find a tall, beautiful, big-breateted, also conveniently down to earth, not interested in money, did I mention big breasted, within a block of me, girl who is deserving of me? After all, I'm a nice guy because I never raped anyone. Even though I'm boring and have no hobbies or warmth to me."

I think if some of these guys realized that women are only going to fall in love with them if they're a) less cruel to other women and b) have actual personalities and passions that they're not afraid to share.

But don't worry, Meredith - you're clearly one of those girls who likes to date jerks. You give the rest of us a bad name, but that's fine, maybe you can take the IJC Guy or the 45-year-old divorced guy who hates Jewish women out of the singles pool. In fact, please do!!!!

Date them both and then you can all post the results here. I'm sure they'll hate you too. ;)

[Meredith]

No actually, I just don't take people like this that seriously. IJC posts this stuff for whatever gratification he gets from it. I read the blog for pure entertainment - kind of like watching television. Its not to spew my beliefs onto them and point out what is wrong in their lives or anyone else who follows suit. I have a choice whether or not to read it. Just like you. I have a choice whether or not I want to date someone like this, which I don't. But whatever, you find it necessary to keep droning on. Go you for having the time, the energy and the need to do so.

[O. Please]

Wow. You seem really angry.

So you're telling me that if I read this, I have to like it and I'm not allowed to respond? Tsk. Don't tell me what my response is supposed to be.

Interesting, though, that you wouldn't date people like this. See, IJC author - even fans of yours wouldn't go near you!

[Da E Key]

Dear O. Please,

Do you really read your posts? Do ya? really? You come off SOOOO PISSED OFF in each and every one of them and sooo bitter about all men. Surely you must know at least one guy who does not suck goat balls? You sounds every bit as pissed as the guy who got divorced whose ex took him to the cleaners...and at least he has a reason! Someone took half his stuff!

You telling us that ANYONE has their panties in a bunch is certainly the pot calling the kettle black - or at least one yenta calling another an IJC.

...if you are so brilliant then maybe you should stop dating the same assholes that you purport everyone else to be or date.

Meredith however, you are a goofball...Da E Key offers you much love for your laid back posting and your ability to show senor IJC the love. Da E Key, mighty as i may be, offers you a belated Valentine's.

Much love,
Da E Key

[O. Please]

Ho hum.

[gal-nyc]

O.P., good for you for speaking up. If the guys you were talking about spent less energy on criticizing, and more on, say, therapy [or a hobby, or volunteering], they might be in fulfilled relationships now.

[Politically Incorrect]

Yes, that's exactly what most men need. Therapy! I suppose gal-nyc and her compatriots are going to say something about the simple things in life. Just needing to have their hand held and a simple gold heart on a chain.

Be for real! The truth is often stranger than fiction and once of the big reasons this site get's readership is for it's truth and entertainment. And the two aren't mutually exclusive.

Have a nice day...

[Da E Key]

Da E Key thinks that if all ya crazy ladies spent less energy criticizing the author of this site and men in general you would get to have sex more than twice this year.

[White Dade]

You really do have the most entertaining comments section around. I don't think anyone gets more diatribes and comments-box wars than you do.

[O. Please]

Ah yes. As opposed to the criticism from all the guys on this site, who are suffering from such a case of blueballs that that they spend what otherwise could be time in bed, criticizing women.

If you guys don't take our advice, that's fine: Spend the rest of your life wondering why you can't find a nice, sweet, 6-foot model with huuuuuuge breasts who loves you for who you are (whatever that is!)

[nd]

I got to this site from Gawker or something. hilarious. If you're really only 24, you have a long time to fool around in realtionships and otherwise. Why stress about it?

[Really]

Of course there are interesting responses to this site - if you write a bunch of half-witted crap designed to provoke people, you get 'interesting' responses. Dates, no. So, good luck.

[Da E Key]

Da E Key is assuming that the women who post angrily on this site hate with heated bile any woman who is tall with less than a size 6 dress size. Envy is such a fun sin.

[anglican]

from a slightly different angle:

I lived with a series of (non-Jewish) late-thirties-early-forties women in NY over the last few years. Outside of the dating pool, these ladies are exactly the same as they are in the pool: picky, bitter, angry, and entirely into their pets.

I have to say, loathe these women as I have, I also find their attitudes unsurprising, given how barren (if you'll forgive the word choice) the dating pool in NY is for women. It's not that there aren't interesting men, it is that many men in NY seem plagued with the greener-grass thing. So i feel more sorry for them than anything. Living in a place where everyone is looking for the newer better model totally sucks.

Of course, it's a self-fulfilling issue. they become bitter, and then it's even harder to find someone to date.

[Men]

If I, as a woman, wrote a site about how I'm sick of the fact that all the men in this city are too short, and materialistic, and don't have big enough penises, I imagine I'd get some very interesting comments myself. Doesn't mean I'd be right. Or smart.

[Men]

BB-BAM - Blue-Balled Bitter Arrogant Men.

[Almost 40 yada yada yada]

"If I, as a woman, wrote a site about how I'm sick of the fact that all the men in this city are too short, and materialistic, and don't have big enough penises, I imagine I'd get some very interesting comments myself."

There are zillions of blogs like that and they don't get many comments because of the double standard.

And to respond to the original post, yes there are lots of old Jewish women living on the UWS.

[Yada Aday]

Not a zillion. There are some, but normal people find them obnoxious. Most of the things women write about problems with men are about the men being jerks. Why don't men write about women being jerks? Becuase women aren't. So instead they're about women being too fat.

[AnotherIJCvictim]

I should date Jewish women who 'aren't like that'? The overwhelming majority of Jewish women are like that, from Short Hills to Long Island, Scarsdale to Merion Station; you are all the same materialistic selfish drek. Now I'm dating shiksas exclusively, and I don't know why I waited so long. Byebye to you jdate never-married-I'll-never-settle japs. The silly women on this blog can't seem to understand that there is a difference between having reasonable realistic expectations and never being satisfied no matter how a guy is. Putting down and blaming men is your lifelong avocation. For years and years I dated only Jewish women, and found myself being treated like a doormat time and time again. The never-married guys on this blog are only now finding this out. To O. Please, keep Dr. Rosenwaks' phone number handy as you turn 45 and stare into the mirror on yet another dateless Saturday night. There are a lot more single Jewish women out there than men, and most of you japs have nothing to offer except a mediocre job, 20 extra pounds, that stupid tiny dog, and the incessant demands for some hapless guy to spend more and more on you. Most of us Jewish guys are overeducated, overworked and overstressed- we have every right to demand a quality woman who appreciates us. Nowadays, that usually means a shiksa.

[Losin My Religion]

>>>and stare into the mirror on yet another dateless Saturday night

LOOK WHEN YOU POSTED THIS!! SATURDAY NIGHT AT 11:56 PM!!

Are you having a looooonely weekend, bitter divorced guy?? Awww.

[jake]

This site is awesome.