i told you so

it doesn´t take a genius to figure out that this exchange from overheard in new york took place at the pick-a-bagel in murray hill.

I'll have an everything bagel, scooped out and toasted with five egg whites and extra cheese but not too much extra cheese that it's gooping out, just like one slice more than you normally would use. Oh, and make sure the eggs are well done.

this is exactly the type of thing i meant by ¨ridiculously complicated bagel orders¨ when i wrote this post last year:

if you really want to experience murray hill at its finest, take a field trip next sunday to pick a bagel or daniel's bagels. these two establishments bracket murray hill at its northern and southern boundaries of third avenue. for the most authentic ijc experience, visit either of these places on a sunday between 11 am and 1 pm.

once inside you will be able to observe groups hungover girls in $100 sweatpants,  matching puma sneakers and their indiana or syracuse sorority t-shirts placing ridiculously complicated bagel orders.

Comments

[Rachel]

I gotta hand it to you on this one - very funny. There are girls like that in T.O. too.

[industrywhore]

what self-respecting JAP eats carbs?!

[hmmm]

you know way too much about the habits of ijc's. i wonder if you aren't one yourself.

[White Dade]

This, I think, would be the equivalent of those nutritoin geniuses who order a "burrito" with no toritlla, fried beef marinating in its own grease, refried beans, sour cream, extra cheese and guacamole. And throw a fit when the guy behind the counter dares to put on more than the requisite eight grains of rice. Yes, because that is definitely the way to keep the pounds off.

[jessica]

Have you seem MTV's True Life: I'm Moving to NY?
One of the girls profiles was an IJC.

[New Yorker]

I know totally what you mean, I just saw an example down in Lower Manhattan this morning of two IJC doing a complicated bagel order.

One went to the worker, "I want a plain bagel scooped out with 3 egg whites and exactly 6 mushrooms mixed in and diced. Remember I want it diced. And I want the bagel completly scooped out. Now I will over at the other side getting a no fat latte so Jasmine here will supervise as you scoop out the bagel and she will like provide you with any guidance that you may need."

Then you have Jasmine going to the guy taking her bagel order. "Ok, is that really non fat cream cheese, I want to make sure, I mean I need non fat and I want to make sure you are not trying to put fat in me. Can you show me the cream cheese container before you spread and make sure you wash the knife first. I don't want fat from someone else. And I will supervise the other one too and make sure he dices the mushrooms properly."

Well the first one looked at the coffee line and was freaking out that there was a line and she didn't want to wait in line and how there are no lines in Long Island for her to wait on. She goes to Jasmine that maybe there is a cute guy that she can flirt with who will let her cut. And she clarifies that it is just flirting, it won't effect her relationship with her fiance who she is "totally" marrying after he gets his law degree.

Apparently the friend is dating the fiance's brother and she says that she'll marry the brother. The two then join hands and go "Then we'll be like sisters!"

And that was the end of that.

[AnotherIJCvictim]

Complicated drinks are another IJC phenomenon, usually involving flavors of stoli or grey goose to be mixed with various 'splashes' of juices and other liquors. (Fran Drescher captured it best with her request to the bartender to rim her glass with Sweet-N-Low). Of course, when the drink arrives, the IJC is not satisfied with the blend, and you, her hapless date, are out another $12.

[ltjbukem]

your commentary and observations are pure genius.

[Almost 40]

This blog is so funny that I added it to my blogroll. You really need to set up your Typepad template so links to your archives are visible, I'd love to read your older posts.

[AnotherIJCvictim]

Interesting stuff on http://gentilewomen.blogspot.com/
Shiksa
Many non-Jewish women who date Jewish men bitterly complain that Jewish women refer to them as 'Shiksas"
The term Shiksa, utilized so freely by most Jewish women is a very derogatory term for a non-Jewish female. The Jewish community is not planning a celebratory dinner in your honor if some Jewish female refers to you as a "Shiksa". This is a most unfortunate term to describe the majority of women that most non-Orthodox Jewish men will date and eventually marry.
A term of art formerly implemented to describe many Jewish women - Jewish American Princess - has been banished from the lexicon of both Jewish and non-Jewish males. Describe a Jewish female as a J. A. P. to another male in a private conversation, and you will be interrupted by an outraged, hyperventilating Jewish female in your face, condemning you as a racist misogynistic anti-Semitic ogre. These are the very same Jewish women who will sneeringly refer to non-Jewish women as "Shiksas" as naturally as labeling Jewish men as male chauvinist pigs, patriarchal oppressors, wife beaters and all around momma's boys and nebbishes.
Most Jewish women consider themselves dazzling urban sophisticates. They religiously study the New York Times from cover to cover. They actively support all the appropriate liberal and feminists causes. These otherwise sophisticated Jewish women are not introspective or aware enough to even understand that they have been summarily rejected as appropriate marriage material by the Jewish men around them. They do know on some superficial level that something is quite not right with the Jewish men in their communities. But they haven't quite figured out what is happening, and those who have don't really seem to care.
After all, what is the easier path for most Jewish women to travel?
Belittle and insult the non-Jewish women who are "taking" "their men" as "Shiksas"? Or,
desist with the constant anti-Jewish male pronouncements, end the constant materialistic dating requirements, focus more on personality and personal appearance issues, and make a real attempt to compete against the non-Jewish women who are moving in on "their" men?
The answer for most Jewish women is to bash and denigrate "Shiksas." Those non-Jewish women are an easy and convenient target.
It is imperative that all Jewish men insure that Jewish women treat non-Jewish women with the tremendous respect that they deserve. After all, these are the women that will be the Barshets for the majority of Jewish men. These non-Jewish women are becoming the life partners, soul mates, best friends, lovers, wives and the mothers of the children for the majority of Jewish men. These are the women that are going to be the sisters and daughters-in-laws of Jewish women. Non-Jewish women who have married Jewish men are the fastest growing segment of the Jewish community, and deserve their rightful respected place within it.
As the "N" word has been eliminated from the speech of Americans, the Jewish community should institute an aggressive campaign so that the "S" word is also eliminated. Jewish men should aggressively educate all Jewish women that the term "Shika" is just as inappropriate as "Jewish American Princess". Jewish men should demand that their future wives and the mothers of their children not be insulted and denigrated by anyone, including Jewish women. Jewish women must become educated and sensitized to insure that the non-Jewish women that are replacing them are accorded the highest respect in the Jewish community.

Boy Vey! - Attacking the Messenger
A recently published book Boy Vey!, The Shiksa's Guide To Dating Jewish Men by Kristina Grish has created quite a stir in the Jewish community. This amusing and lighthearted book, written by a very attractive non-Jewish woman, will become the basic primer for numerous non-Jewish women who enthusiastically pursue Jewish men for romance and marriage.
Predictably, some Jewish women have attacked Ms. Grish for publishing this book. Ms. Grish has been labeled a "Nazi" and a "prostitute" in the print media. Other Jewish women have bristled at the fact that Ms. Grish has developed a "how to" manual to educate non-Jewish women in the finer points of taking "their" men away from them.
It is ironic that Jewish women, generally ultra liberals and feminists, would condemn Ms. Grish for exercising her first amendment rights. More ironically, for Jewish women (with their outrageous financial prerequisites for any relationship) to accuse Ms. Grish of prostitution for dating "their men", takes hypocrisy to extreme heights.
Ms. Grish's book merely reflects the reality of the dating scene in the Jewish community. Currently, most non-Orthodox Jewish men date and marry non-Jewish women. Most Jewish men are not corporate attorneys or cardiologists, and as a result, are not of interest to most Jewish women. Non-Jewish women have merely stepped into the void that Jewish women have created by their hostile attitude towards most Jewish men.
Most Jewish women refuse to engage in any introspective self examination as to the underlying causation of why a majority of Jewish men have abandoned them. Ad hominem attacks against a charming young woman whose only fault was to chronicle her many positive experiences with Jewish men is the preferred route for these angry Jewish women. How many books authored by Jewish women explore their positive interactions with Jewish men? Not many.
Ms. Grish is obviously an intelligent woman. Not only was she able to publish an amusing book, but she has the good sense to date Jewish men. Observing Ms. Grish's photograph, one can readily observe a very attractive female, height proportionate to weight, long flowing hair, appropriate makeup, no excessive facial or body hair, and no obvious rhinoplasty issues. Unlike most Jewish women, Ms. Grish has not reduced most Jewish men to patriarchal oppressors and domestic violence offender caricatures. Traits exhibited by many Jewish men that most Jewish women disparage, are exactly those characteristics that Ms. Grish finds so endearing. Ms. Grish does not limit her dating career to only high powered Jewish doctors and lawyers, and she views Jewish men as more than just human ATM machines.
Boy Vey!,The Shiksa's Guide To Dating Jewish Men should be required reading for all Jewish females who are wondering why "there are no good Jewish men" anymore. Rather than attacking Ms. Grish, Jewish women should thank Ms. Grish for providing valuable insight about a subject that most of them have little first hand practical experience -- dating and marrying Jewish men.

[Matchmaker]

Here, try contacting this one. She's blond, Jewish and 5'8".

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/w4m/125607041.html

[Jen]

Just an FYI to single Jewish people out there... I used a Match Making Service in NYC and it sucked. Actually, I should say, she sucked and I got taken for a ride.

All good though, I am not bitter. In fact, I would just like to warn any of you contemplating possible looking into doing something like that to STAY AWAY. The service was a women's name who only does Jewish Match Making. The busiuness names starts with an S, ends with an H...Match Making. You can figure it out!

I know some of you will laugh at me for even trying something like that, but why the F not? Granted I got "got", but at least I can save some others out there!

Unfortunately, this business women gives Jews a bad name, and she is out only for your money, not really caring about her clients. Verbatum, she told me I was just a number!

Thanks for letting me share IJC....

:)

[Ben]

I was the one who overheard this quote on Dec 26th at pick a bagel. She was def short, had a cute lil LI accent and def could have lost a few lbs.

http://stegermeister.blogspot.com/2005/12/random-jumble-of-stuff.html

[Nubsfaubs]

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