someone beat me to it

if i was a real reporter, i might write something like these two articles (1, 2) in the great neck record from january 2004.  jessica kirshner is a self described 20-something from great neck, ny (that's located in the ijc hotbed of long island for the uninitiated) who recently moved to, "young and hip" murray hill to, "flee her suburban youth." ha!

there are so many amazing quotes in this article that it's hard to pick just one...the unintentional comedy factor is off the charts. as lockhart would say, here's the money quote:

I spent years griping about the stifling effects suburbia has on young people hungry for experience. Like many of my peers, I wanted to flee my suburban youth, to become anonymous in the Big Apple, to get lost in the crowd so that I could rediscover, redefine and reinvent myself without anyone noticing. I wanted to be the "urban hipster," the "workaholic," the "life of the party." Anything but the girl from Great Neck. I did become anonymous in Murray Hill, lost in a sea of girls from Great Neck.

but dan ahdoot is the real star of the article if you ask me.

"It's very Jewish, a lot of young Jewish kids," added Dan Ahdoot, 25, a Great Neck transplant to Murray Hill. I got there by chance," he went on, "and I hated it because it was all these Long Island kids. If I wanted this, I would've moved to Middle Neck Road!"

some other unbelievable, yet strangely not surprising data from the article. i wish i could make this stuff up:

• According to the most recent census data, 30 percent of the neighborhood population is between the ages of 22 and 30. Citywide, that age bracket accounts for only 14 percent of the total population.

• Murray Hill, for its small stake in the great urban melting pot, is astonishingly white. Almost 80 percent white, to be more precise. A staggering figure when you realize that Caucasians comprise only 44 percent of the total population of New York City.

• Not surprisingly, Murray Hill, like Great Neck, is an affluent enclave. Its per capita income, according to census figures, stands at $62,344, nearly $40,000 more than the citywide figure.

• Young, white, and rich. Throw in overworked, and the results of the most recent community survey conducted by the New York City Department of Health in 2001 seem nothing short of common sense. Alcohol-related hospitalizations occur twice as frequently in Murray Hill as they do throughout all of New York City. The rate of drug-related deaths is 40 percent higher in the Hill than it is citywide.

if anyone knows jessica please let me know, not only because she is my hero, but because i might want to option this article. i don't know about anyone else but this has the makings of a great series for the wb or metro channel.

Comments

[Scott Foley]

Hey - if it's going to be a Jewish Felicity - count me in. I'm single and looking for work...

Scott Foley

[Semmelweis]

Hey IJC,

If you hate Murray Hill so much, THEN JUST F-ING MOVE AND STOP YOUR WHINING. Why live in such a crappy place? For the record, I wouldn't be caught dead living in Murray Hill, it sounds sickening. I've never even been there because I don't usually go North of Houston street, unless I'm in my limo on the way to Columb-Presby

Toodles,

Dr. Semmelweis

[HandsomeTommy]

Toodles? Are you f'ing kidding me? Hey Semmelweis, get your balls sewn back on when you arrive at Columb-Presby. Are you a 9 year old English girl?

[al]

HAHA.

Also, I am a girl from Long Island and I live in Murray Hill. I can't say that I hate the area but I have only lived here for about 7 months and I have found out that someone I went to High School with lives on my block and I have already ran into countless high school and college aquaintances and tons of people who I went to camp with in the adirondacks (who are also from long island). I guess I just naively thought i was moving to a city far, far away meanwhile I am still amongst the same people I was trying to get away from. I know, I know...boo hoo. I just think it's sad that I am already looking to get out. Growing up in Long Island is like a trap. I guess you could say that about anywhere....

[Dr. Semmelweis]

Hey Handsome,

Get your career reattached when you leave that chop shop you work at. Honestly, I don't have the time...

Yours in health,

Dr. S

[Yogi Biz]

I've hearddddddd of it!

It's a choppp shop

[z.]

i know of jessica kirshner though i've never met her--friend of a friend of a friend. i am pretty sure she went to harvard and columbia journalism and that any humor in the article (which i haven't read) is not unintended.

[Dr. Semmelweis]

I bet there are 10 Jessica Kirshner's that went to Harvard and Columbia J School. The one in the article sounds stupid and dumb.

[Megan Leahme]

What's the big deal? Who would you rather be in the backwoods where there are no jews or sophisticated people for that matter?!? I would much rather be in an area where there are people of like mind that I can relate to. Isn't that what everyone is looking for?

[Daniel Carver]

I'd rather be in the backwoods

[Sgt. of Gay Police]

IJC and HandsomeTommy,

Freeze! You're under arrest for being the gayest duo on the Internet.

IJC, did you have your penis run over or did HandsomeTommy swallow it because Jewish Women rule the earth...Jap or no Jap....they control the Media, Banking, Salty Fish Market on Sundays, Law, Medicine and great Blowjobs.

Officer Gay.

[at to the mack]

Megan,

Um, so IJC's are sophisticated?

Websters Dictionary defines Sophistication as "uplifting enlightenment. being expert or having knowledge of some technical subject. the quality or character of being intellectually sophisticated through cultivation or experience"

When finding a synonym for "Sophistication" in a Thesaurus, words such as "Cleverness" and "Complexity" come up.

Girlfriend, if knowing where the next Prada, Louis Vuitton or Manolo Blahnik sale is considered sophistication, I too want to live in the backwoods.

Have you ever tried to have a meaningful conversation with your local IJC about politics, music or movies? Knowing the lyrics to a John Mayer song or having seen the latest Jude Law flick does not sophistication make.

[ay to the mack]

Hey Officer,

I've got to second you on that one...IJC's sure do give nice blowjobs!

Of course that's only because they didn't put out until their Senior Years in High School and they had to pleasure their little boyfriends some way.

[gene parmesan]

Dr. Semmelweis -

Are you sure you've never been to Murray Hill. I've heard rumors that you were spotted late night eating matzoh ball soup at Moonstruck.

Can you confirm?

[StephanieKlein]

"It has been my experience, every single time, that all Jewish women swallow."

Then a survey began. "Yeah, I think it's because they hate cleaning."

"Well, I'm only half Jewish."

"Yeah, when I don't want to, I pull the, 'oh baby come on my tits, it's so hot.' Works every time."

An conversational excerpt from Nerding out with bloggers.

[Dr. Semmelweis]

Ms. Klein, I'll be the Aidan to your Carrie except I can't make furniture.

-Dr. S

[Sgt.Gay]

A little birdie told me that HandsomeTommy prefers a hot load in the face from Mr.IJC to end the night.

[z.]

Semelwhatever, I just went back and read the article--definitely the Harvard/Columbia Jessica Kirshner I was thinking of--in the article she even mentions moving from Murray Hill to Morningside Heights last year-- obviously to be near the J-school. By the way, I love that you hate the possibility that she is bright and multi-dimensional.

[Regina Filange]

IJC,

I have been reading your blog since the beginning and after seeing the post today- I think I am done- what I liked about the column was your real life experiences -but you have resorted to recycling the same theme over and over again- which by now I think everyone knows ad nauseum- living in Murray Hill sucks and everyone there is the same-

I miss the dating stories and everyday encounters with an IJC-

Let me know when this blog becomes fun again- I think you are too busy worried about postings for the blog than actually out in the real world gathering your own raw materials-

Until then- peace-

[so 2004]

Couldn't agree more....I'm sorry Mr.IJC, but seems like your nizzle has fizzled. As we shift into 05', it seems your writing has become oh, so 2004.

Peace in the Middle East.

- Khadafi

[the ijc]

you're right, i have not been devoting my full time and attention to the site. lucrative thought it may be, maintaining the ijc website is not my full time job.

i'm actually in the middle of a closing. i can't disclose the nature of it for confidentiality reasons, but i can guarantee that you'll be reading about it on the front page of the wall street journal before the new year. unfortunately for you by the time it hits the papers, i'll be driving around miami in a new porsche paid for with my bonus check.

in the meantime i recommend that you go find an ijc for yourself rather than living vicariously through my anger, hatred and ineptitude.

[ManhattanTransfer]

Yo, IJC, fuck all the haters. Keep up the good work, lad.

Once you're deal closes, we want IJC updates from Miami.

[Kiki]

I'm with MT... Ms. Filange - stop watching so many reruns of "Friends" on TBS already...

[DreamWeaver]

IJC, if only your penis was as big as your imagination. Good luck with you closing and please give Gordon Ghecco my best. You dooshbag.

- Bud Fox
Jackson Steinum

[LoveTheSite]

IJC - I love the site and have sent it to literally everyone I know. Trying to achieve a cult following.

One thing that was not mentioned, to help provide some light on Jessica (who probably is a comic writer), Dan Adhoot, who is quoted in the article is a stand-up comedian in New York and was featured on Season 2 of Last Comic Standing.